The Bachelor? STAWP.

So, my wife and I watch the Bachelor. Yes, I know. Believe me, I know. But it's actually really entertaining to watch one person get to decide who he/she is going to marry within, ehhh, a couple weeks. And they are strict on that shit too! It's not like "ok, he gets to decide who he wants to marry but then he also gets to live with three of you for a while without the cameras to see if you are going to be on the next "Who the F*ck did I marry?" .. no. It seems like by the time he has decided to give the last rose, it's already on E! and they are getting ready to announce the wedding date. But see, that's the thing I'm really trying to talk about in this post. This is not real life. Even if he chills with the last woman he really wants to marry, he still doesn't even know her! When he was sending girls home after the first week and then you see them crying and sobbing and saying things like, and I quote, "I don't know if I'll ever feel the same about myself anymore!" .. For real, girl?? You don't even know if he is actually a good guy! what if he is faking it for the cameras and he actually drinks whiskey and beats the hell out of you one day at home! (I'm not saying he is like that but you never know, he said he likes whiskey!) Plus, you've know him for FOUR DAYS!

The point is that this is not real life. You have to be with someone for a while to see what they are really like. There are certain things that need to happen in order to really be a couple. She needs to fart in front of you for example.. and I'm not talking those little teeny farts that sound like a mouse burping, I'm talking full-on fart, one of those farts where you're not real sure if she pooped her pants or not! THAT IS REAL LIFE. Comfortability is key in a relationship! Now I know not all couples fart around each other and I'm not saying you have to have a shitting contest in order to get married, but there needs to be a certain comfortability with each other in which you truly understand what it will be like to spend the rest of your life with that same person. That literally means you have to accept everything that your partner in crime does. For me, it's loving Taylor Swift and holding her hair back as she pukes from a long night out on the town (really only two cups of Vodka and Cranberry) That is real life.

-G